london film and comic con 2015

i wasn't sure whether to go to lfcc this year. it should be exactly my kind of thing – i'm a ‘geek’ i suppose (although i fucking hate that word – a geek is what tyrone power turns into at the end of nightmare alley, and i’m sure as fuck not that), i like comics and movies and i like the idea of meeting the people who make the things that i like, even though i know if i actually talk to any of them i’ll be all starstuck and will probably make it weird. it was because of this that i decided to attend one such event about four years ago.

i think it was the year david tennant was going to be there, i remember that being a big deal. i went on my own because i couldn’t find anyone to go with, so i was already freaking out about that (whereas these days i kind of prefer doing stuff on my own). i suffer with anxiety sometimes. not all the time, i’m sure a lot of people have it worse than i do, but the idea of making my way across london on my own at that time was fucking terrifying. i thought that would be the worst part, but it wasn’t. it was getting there to find a queue a mile long, knowing that all those people and all the people behind me would be inside that building, all at the same time. i tried to comfort myself with the fact that the place looked pretty huge, this was at earl’s court i think, and maybe i'd meet some nice people, but it was all a bit weird and i was too shy to make friends with the doctor who's and master chiefs and commander shepard’s in the queue. i’m building this up too much, making out like there’s some big climax to the story. there isn’t, i made it inside, had a panic attack, and then when a friendly steward asked if he could help i basically ran outside. i was too embarrassed to go back in.

it’s fucked, i’ve been to gigs where i’ve pushed my way to the front of the crowd, dodging elbows in a fucking moshpit, just to see a band i like and that’s been fine, but for some reason, maybe because of the travel or the fact i was on my own or whatever, i couldn’t handle it. so i never went to another one. until last weekend.

i don’t know why i decided to go to this one, i mean , it’s not like i had a burning desire to meet any of the guests. i think as each year passes and these events get bigger i just feel like i should be there, like it’s my thing, where my people will be. my people used to be the pierced, tattooed kids dressed in black at metal gigs, but i was more into being part of the crowd than the music i think. it seems like right now i’m mostly into movies and videogames and here’s a place where all the people who are into movies and videogames (and comics and books) go to hang out. so i should be there too.

so i was there and it was fine. i didn’t freak out, not even when the district line was closed and i had to squeeze onto a packed tube to take a route i hadn’t planned, then walk across an area of london i’ve never seen before. there were times on that journey i almost turned around and came home. at one point on the crowded tube train i thought about just staying on the train until it reached the end of the line, but then i saw freddy krueger standing on the train with scorpion and subzero and i remembered where i was going. later i was walking along an endless road following vague directions on my phone thinking i was lost and considered turning back, but then i saw mad max and poison ivy walking in the same direction and i realised i wasn’t lost at all. when i made it to kensington olympia i saw batman and he waved at me, and i knew i was home.

inside it was super hot and crowded and crazy. it was everything i was worried it was going to be, only a million times worse. but it was okay, because every time i looked up i’d see a dinosaur made of balloons, or a skinny bane or one of a hundred deadpools and that made me smile. i don’t think it was the crowds and the heat that made me have a panic attack last time, i think i was scared of something else. i think i just didn’t get it. i think i get it now.

i still didn’t talk to anyone, maybe next time. i stared at a few celebrities from a distance. i thought about going to talk to gemma whelan because yara greyjoy is like my favourite character in game of thrones and she didn’t have much of a queue, but i got scared so i just stood and stared at her. i tried to stare at iain glen because he’s fucking hot even though he’s probably older than my dad, but when i did manage to push through the hayley atwell queue to get to where he was supposed to be sitting there was just an empty chair, so i’m guessing he was on lunch or not there that day. i gave tom savini a nod which he didn’t see, but if he had it would have been a nod that said ‘my brother made me watch your shit when i was like 3 and it turned me onto horror movies’. i tried to catch jennifer rubin’s eye so i could give her a look that said ‘you were a fucking badass in dream warriors and i wanted to be you when i was a kid’ but she didn’t see me. she had a huge queue anyway.

i know, i could probably go and talk to these people, but just being among them was enough, this time. i also wondered if i’d ever have my own table there. i know that sounds ridiculous, but i’m serious. dieter laser from human centipede 1 and 3 called me a genius on twitter a couple of weeks ago, and maybe he's onto something. i’m still planning on starting my youtube channel this year, and i know i’ve been saying that forever, but it’s going to happen. maybe if it takes off i could be sitting next to james remar (who has aged remarkably well) or motherfucking hodor or even a power ranger – i’d settle for sitting next to a power ranger.

you probably aren’t interested in my narcissistic fame fantasties. it was a fucking cool event, if you like stuff you should go. do what i did, go later in the day, it gets a bit calmer in the afternoon on the sunday but most of the cool things and the cool people are still there. next time i’ll take pictures, i promise.